What to do if your partner is jealous of you?
We have all experienced jealousy at some point in our lives. Many of us are also familiar with the negative effects that jealousy can bring to relationships. Normally, we would find healthy ways to communicate with our partners to clear things up.
However, in some cases, jealousy can be a sign of potentially toxic relationships. The one who is full of need, attachment, and pain. Of course, an abuser will not show his true colours at first: he first needs to earn your trust and affection.
So is it possible to recognize abusive behaviour early on? "A prominent trait of abusers is excessive and unnatural jealousy," says Virginia Allison, who shares her story after nearly five years of being emotionally abused. "So if you see signs that someone is jealous of you and is intimidated by the accusations, it's time to go."
Virginia Allison has been suffering emotional abuse and morbid jealousy from her partner which further led to her paranoia and a very unhealthy breakup. Virginia shares her story from the beginning, in short, to outline the main red flags of abusive behavior. Don't miss out and don't mess with them!
"Mysterious Stranger"
I met him at my friend's party. He was sitting in the backyard, giving the impression that he was too "mature" for events like this, and anyone should feel lucky to meet him.
All night he sat in one place, with that listless look that said, "I'm bored, but I'm stuck, so let's see what happens here."
He tried to talk to me twice, but I was too busy helping my friend with the party routines.
When my friend found out that we had run out of alcohol, he was the one who called a taxi and went to the store. He brought a huge amount of drink along with sweets, fruits, and other things that no one asked him to buy.
I think he did it simply to bond with himself, showing that he can take responsibility for other people. It is like a spider that lays webs.
Bombardment of love and all the rush
"Over time, he wanted me to himself, preparing my friends and the community."
I felt an instant connection, the one I was desperately seeking. I would call him every now and then, after a couple of weeks, asking for help because he knew he could help quickly.
He came to see me immediately from another city and solved the problem in several minutes. We spent the rest of the night together, which led to the night and the next five damaging years of my life.
I turned a blind eye to how quickly the relationship started - it was like there could be no other way.
In the end, he wanted me to himself, preparing my friends and the community. He asked me to stay home even if he wasn't there because "why should he be anywhere else if he had a house?" My life finally escaped me and was in his hands: he took control of everything: my finances, my decisions.
A "special bond"
"Batterers do not love: they love to death."
Upon reflection, I realized that we were both like missing pieces of a puzzle: I desperately craved stronger bonds because for me it was the only definition of love. That's because I grew up in abusive homes where control and dependency were a normal part of relationships.
He was the one who had the same beliefs: loving someone for him meant becoming an organism, but not in a healthy way. It gives one the right to control the other and have access to a person's mind, feelings, fears, and everything that satisfies him. If you are in such a relationship for a long time, you completely lose your identity.
As the relationship evolved, he asked me about my most intimate experiences, secrets, and dreams. He pressured me to skip events with my friends and decided which friends should stay around me and which ones should leave. He asked for access to social media accounts as a sign of "trust." At first, he explained it as "we are a family, so there should be no secrets between us." And I kept thinking, "No one has ever loved me so intensely." Later I understood that abusers do not love: they love to death.
Flipping the script
“I knew: if I opened up to someone, he would find out; he had his way of keeping up with everything ».
I must admit that from the beginning he was very possessive and jealous. He accused me of being unfaithful and reviewed my every step. I didn't question it at first, it made me feel special. Then the controlling behavior abruptly turned into bullying.
I might feel weird about the whole situation: how can I love a person that I'm afraid of? Interestingly, that kind of connection takes you deeper and deeper to the point where you can't change anything. I knew it: if I opened up to someone, he would find out; he had his ways of keeping up with everything.
I felt like I needed to appease him to get back to the early glow, including sacrificing my job, friends, and interests to "gain trust."
It exploded unexpectedly, usually after my delay in answering the phone, or if I suspected I was lying. Once, I was in the store with no one around, but it occurred to him that there were men's voices near me, so it terrified me in its own special way: yelling, hanging up the phone, and then driving over the speed limit. He made me feel guilty after that night because his car tire blew out while he was wandering around.
His accusations were so intense that I had to change my behavior in response to his accusations. I began to guess my perception of reality. At last, I began to question my sanity.
If you feel that your partner is jealous of you in a way that scares you very much, it is a sign that you are in an unhealthy and controlling relationship.
What is excessive jealousy? (Hey Jealousy)
"I believe that harmful jealousy begins when a suspicious partner seeks evidence of adultery."
Excssive jealousy is a very disturbing disorder, given its complicated nature. It is generally overlooked as more attention is paid to delusional jealousy, which, in turn, is classified as a psychiatric disorder.
However, it is a real threat that can lead to paranoid development.
If a person is jealous of you, they could suffer from unpleasant and irrational jealousy musings. Later, it can lead to paranoia when a person cannot distinguish reality from delusions.
I believe that unhealthy jealousy begins when a suspicious partner seeks evidence of adultery. My boyfriend made me delete my Facebook, and Instagram accounts and get access to my messengers. If he saw me texting someone, he would get furious and his jealousy would increase substantially.
Signs of jealousy that are not healthy:
Suspicious behavior;
Possessiveness on the part of the partner;
Absolute certainty of the infidelity of a couple;
Compulsive partner control;
Delusional disorders;
Insomnia.
In other words, if you are suffering unreasonable accusations if your partner intimidates you in his or her measures to "get you a confession," then you are probably in an abusive relationship. Hey Jealousy!
What Causes Excessive Jealousy?
Pathological jealousy generally arises from mistrust. In this case, it is not a sign of love, but of dependence. Intense jealousy is often a syndrome that occurs in many psychiatric conditions.
Substance abuse can also be implicated as a biological contributor to morbid jealousy.
Jealousy projection
"Their suspicions grow when they fantasize about getting things themselves."
Intense jealousy can stem from the abuser's own actual infidelity. People become infuriated with their partners when they suspect that they harbor a sexual desire with another person. But their suspicions grow stronger when they themselves are involved in extramarital sex or fantasizing about illicit things.
After we broke up with my possessive boyfriend, I found out that she had been having an affair for half a year before it happened. Previously, there were cigarette butts in his car ashtray which gave me the first clue, but we were about to break, so I didn't want to stick my head in that.
When jealousy is okay?
"Healthy jealousy is more pain at the idea of ​​losing a partner."
It is normal to want to protect the people we love. If your partner is jealous of you in a healthy way, it can protect your bond, because: it Demonstrates your commitment to collaborate and helps you face the main threats. It reminds you of how lucky you are that your partner is attractive. Normal jealousy arises from pain at the idea of ​​losing a loved object. It is often accompanied by a feeling of hostility against the successful rival. When someone is jealous of you in a healthy way, it can generally be called grief at the thought of losing a partner.
FAQ
If you are not sure how to deal with jealous people and cannot understand the root of jealousy, these are the most popular questions with answers that can give you some clues.
What is the root cause of jealousy?
Jealousy arises from a lack of confidence. Intense worry involves the need to control rather than love and trust. If your partner is morbidly jealous and intimidating you, it may have psychological, neurological, or social roots. Jealous people never realize that it is a disorder, they are sure that it comes from love.
What are the signs of a jealous man?
Some clearly delimited signs of jealousy include:
Insist on getting your passwords
He prepares your friends and family
He tells you what to wear and what not to wear
He makes all the decisions
Take control of finances
Constantly accuses you of cheating
Freaked out by a missed call
Pay particular attention to the last point. If your partner is jealous of you in a morbid way, he will fly over the handle every time you miss his calls or are not available. It will do well from the beginning.
What makes a man jealous?
Jealousy only works if the guy is interested in you. If you don't mind, you will never show a sign of jealousy.
How do you deal with a woman who is jealous of you?
Start acting like it's really special. A woman may be jealous of you due to her low self-esteem. If you feel undervalued, it can contribute to her perception of herself and make her jealous. Give her compliments, cheer her on, and increase her positive qualities.
What does a girl do when she's jealous?
If a girl is jealous of you, she will change her mood when you talk about other girls, she will act suspiciously on your phone, and she will ask you a lot of questions. Girls generally cannot avoid their mood swings and fight whenever other girls interfere with their relationships. The most common signs of jealousy among girls are mood swings: if a girl feels that she is not exclusive, it will significantly influence her mood.
When a girl gets jealous, does it mean that she cares?
Of course, if a girl shows signs of jealousy, she faces the fear of losing you, which means she cares. She is jealous because this relationship matters to her. If it were the other way around, he wouldn't show any signs of jealousy. However, girls sometimes act out of the blue: for example, they may play hard-to-get and ignore you to "pull the blanket" toward themselves.
What are the signs of a jealous woman?
A woman who is jealous of you in most cases will try to steal the "spotlight": she will do everything possible to return to her former glory, leaving no chance for her rivals. A woman who is jealous of you will also harass you: check your social networks, phone calls, and talk to your friends, in an attempt to find something that reveals your unfaithful behavior.